It has been decades of struggle for me. First, I had an accident in 2006-2007. My knee ligament ruptured and my knee patella came up to my thigh. Had a surgery and was bedridden for 6 months. Walking again was even worse, because not only the physiotherapy was very painful (I still cannot bend my leg fully 90 degrees backwards), but the limping placed a stigma on me. Wherever I went, there were people’s eyes looking in disgust and I suddenly realized how a differently abled person feels on this planet. It made me humble.
But the damage affected not only my career but also my entire life, including my love life. My girlfriend left me because of her family pressure. I could not travel on buses without someone’s help, had no career left, and had no money. My girlfriend was my best friend and the only person with whom I used to talk the whole day. After she left, my life felt a gaping hole that could never be filled again. I used to sit in buses and not know where I was going, unless someone poked me to get down. I was so lost. Love is blind, but separation from your beloved is too painful.
Pain kept coming back and hitting me every time, even now. Totally leaves me confused and depressed and I stopped working during those times, left projects in the middle, could not focus. Tried to indulge in video games so that I get distracted. My pain does not stop. It is keeps throbbing like a heartbeat, and is always there in the background. Every bad habit I have is just to distract myself from that pain, because it never stops.
This is what people around me or the world do not understand.
Then the Big Brother fiasco happened. Suddenly I was there in the view of the entire planet and had no idea about it for over a decade. It is very easy to judge someone from far away, very difficult to be in their shoes and feel what they are going through. People started judging me without realizing what pain I was going through. Movies started being made on me both in Hollywood and Bollywood (which I realize now has been going on for the last six decades) and they all want me to become a SuperMan or a Saint with all the supernatural powers.
From 2010 my life has been literally hell, where my own family members, including my brother, ex-wife and relatives, are torturing me. Some to protect me, some to hurt me and no one told me anything, but I had to figure out everything myself.
My career, which was shredded before and I was trying to revive by publishing books, again went off the rails for last one decade. Right now I am being imprisoned in my house in order to protect the life of my aging parents. People are still not letting me break free of this prison, which was prophesied decades back in all the movies.
I am putting my 100% to create and sell these books. Out of all my pain, I try to concentrate and create some beautiful books, but people of this world do not even let me do that. They are stuck in the image of me being a saint because I grew a beard. Sometimes I feel why I do not get angry about my situation, probably because of that feeling of humbleness which I realized after my accident. Your disabilities make you humble because then you realize how vulnerable humanity is on this planet.
I still have no idea what all other things are happening around me. I do not have superpowers, because people did not let me do meditation at all. Yet first they called me Jesus and then Lucifer. I am not here to justify why my pain makes me do things, why it used to make me play games for 10 hours sometimes in the past. Why do I indulge in bad habits? I am writing this blog, so I get allowed to live my wrecked life the way I want to. I do not need to justify myself.
I have put over a year of hard work on these books, and yet I am being barred to promote and sell them. My situation is like I am stuck in a prison loop and it keeps repeating, does not matter how much I try to break free.
A lover who is already in so much pain for decades, now has to go through hell of a life, because people and relatives surrounding him took decisions without his approval.
It is not possible for me to see through walls. I do not know who is where at what time. I am not even trying to be a superman.
My only goal at this point is how to reach a million children with my books and how to help and feed as many children and animals as I can with the money I earn through these books.
I am not writing all this, so anyone shows pity on me. To concentrate on the next books, I have to release the frustration. I got to know what the people of this world have done to me. It is their karmas and they will pay for it when the time comes. I am not here to punish anyone. I have my path and this path is about these books and helping as many children and animals as I can. Even stuck in this prison of a home, I feed birds every day.
Nothing is going to stop me from writing these books.
The point is, after reading this blog, are you on the world’s side or mine? If you’re with me, lend a hand in getting these books to children all over the world. You can help in any way possible for you.
I am designing, writing, editing, formatting, working on the website, handling SEO, cooking my food, writing a multiverse extra book and the next books in the series all by myself, with that throbbing pain still in the background. I would appreciate any help, again not for myself, but for kids and animals all around the world.
You can help by ordering the books or crowdfunding the book series. Anyone has any ideas on how to optimize SEO better, they can contact through the contact form.
Thank You for going through this blog post.
Sunny Kapoor
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